I haven’t posted anything in a few days. Primarily because I’ve been busy taking care of my mom for the past few days while my father was out of the country. I’ve also been feeling a little down.
In one of my previous posts I mentioned that I was planing on taking an exam in January 2015. I ended up paying for the exam December 2, 2014 (even though I haven’t been studying). The idea was to force the motivation out of me. Finances are really really tight, I’ve failed this exam previously and I now have less than a month to master it.
My mind has been playing tricks on me lately. Or rather, I’ve been allowing my mind to play tricks on me. I’ve been feeling like I cannot accomplish my goals. As a result, I’ve been so demotivated to even start journeying toward them (including studying for this exam).
My husband has told me that if I give it my all I will pass (even with just a month left to prepare). The thing is, I know he’s right. I know the material. I just need to practice consistently. But my question is, how do you dig so deep into your soul to find that last bit of strength when you feel you have nothing left?
I’m still trying to find that answer. All of us have obstacles to overcome and have overcome some already throughout our lives. I’ve overcome some before but right now this new one looks mountainous. Trying to muster up the courage to move forward. It is hard especially when I consider how much is riding on our (my husband’s and my) successes. Passing this exam is a step in the right direction to secure a job that isn’t just mediocre, to be able to help with our future as newly weds, to help my retired parents with all their medical expenses and the list goes on.
Fighting to retain that brightness of hope through the cloud of negativity.